


Hurt For Me

by StrangerWriter



Series: When Am I Gonna Lose You [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Jopper, s3 inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 23:12:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangerWriter/pseuds/StrangerWriter
Summary: It's Joyce's last night in Hawkins before the big move. Hopper comes for a visit.





	Hurt For Me

Tonight was her last night in Hawkins, and he couldn’t even blame her anymore. The town was absolutely falling apart, and so was everything he thought he knew to be true. The virus was taking over, and if he wasn’t so stupid, he would just leave with her. They would move away together, far away from all of this. They would hide somewhere off the map, where no one could ever find them, where the Upside Down and Demogorgons would only be a bad dream.

But he felt an immense responsibility to do the right thing, if he even knew what that was anymore. He still felt like he could stop this, though the sheer breadth of the problem made that impossible.

The kids knew what was happening too. They knew Hawkins was dangerous, so they promised to stay in Mike’s basement all night, no matter what. Despite their reservations, Hopper and Joyce let their respective kids go to the sleepover that night. Things were hard enough, and they didn’t want to rob them of their last night together.  

Hopper drove aimlessly around the town for hours after dropping El off, but he ended up in the one place that he told himself he wouldn’t go to.

He slammed his car in park next to the moving truck and walked up her empty front porch. Though she was here for one more night, it almost felt like she was already gone. He opened the door and walked in, not bothering to knock.

Joyce looked up at him when she heard the front door slam shut.

The inside of the house was almost completely empty too, and he flashed back to the last time this happened to him in New York, when he had to say goodbye to his life under entirely different circumstances.

It was warm, being the end of summer, and Joyce was dressed only in a shirt that came to her mid-thighs. She looked so incredibly beautiful, and he immediately knew that it was a mistake to come here.

Hopper didn’t say anything, so Joyce spoke first.

“Please, Hop. Don’t,” she nearly begged. She didn’t ask him to come over. In fact, she had asked him not to. “Don’t do this. It’s hard enough.” She silently pleaded with him to leave.

“I don’t care,” he finally said with a shrug of his shoulders. Joyce had her chance to say and do what she wanted, and now it was his turn. “Joyce, I love you. _I love you_.” There was an intense, desperate edge to those words, which was something he didn’t necessarily intend to come out. The words were powerful enough on their own. It still didn’t change how she would respond; she knew that she wouldn’t be able to say it back.

“I can’t,” she said, shaking her head.

Maybe she could have, _before_ , but not now. What good would it do?

In Hopper’s mind, Joyce was abandoning him.

In her mind, he was committing suicide and taking El with him if he were to stay here.

He closed the gap between the two of them and crashed his body into hers. She stumbled back, colliding with the wall. His lips desperately found hers, but she almost immediately turned her head, trying to push him off.

“Don’t,” she repeated as harshly as her voice would allow, pressing both hands to his chest to stop him.

He sucked in a breath and braced his hand on the wall to keep her from moving. He knew that he should listen to her. But this was their last night together, and he wasn’t going to just passively sit by and talk. They’ve done that enough, and it had gotten them nowhere.

“Joyce,” he whispered with a hopelessness like she’s never heard. She realized that he was asking consent.

She closed her eyes and pulled his face back to hers, resuming what he had started. Their kisses were hot and rough, and their hands which roamed each other’s bodies, weren’t so gentle either. Hopper pulled away and planted frenzied kisses along her neck, his stubble roughly rubbing against her soft skin.  

Her hands came up to the back of his neck, digging her fingernails in. There’d be visible marks in the morning, leaving him with a painful reminder of their last night together.

With his free hand, he pulled at his belt and zipper. Joyce pulled her own underwear down, kicking them off her ankles and to the side. He reached behind her with both hands and lifted her off her feet, pinning her hard between himself and the wall.

In the next second, he was buried inside her. Her thighs tensed against his waist, and her heels dug into the backs of his legs. Things were moving too fast, and it was painful. He hadn’t even tried to see if she was ready, though the pain somehow only furthered her arousal. The wood paneling on the wall bit into her lower back, and she thought she could feel her own bruises forming too. Part of her felt like she deserved this. For a moment, she forgot everything and anything, and allowed small gasps and ragged moans to fall from her lips. It didn’t take long for her to become overwhelmed with the pain fueled pleasure; it was something she’d never quite felt before.

Hopper held her under her thighs as he thrust into her again and again. Joyce cried out as she came surprisingly quick. The intense flood of emotions that came with it, dissolved her cries of pleasure into pure sobbing- not because it was painful, but because she felt a sudden, overwhelming sadness. Her tears forced him to stop.  

Joyce somehow managed to utter a coherent thought. “Come with me. Please, just come with me,” she begged one last time.  He still hadn’t let go of her legs, and she dropped her forehead to his.

“You know I can’t,” he told her again.

She let her hands fall from his shoulders and planted her feet on the ground, not even caring that he hadn’t finished.

She shook her head, and she couldn’t stop the next sentence from coming out of her mouth. She needed him to know.

“You’re going to die here,” she warned him, sliding out from his grip. This time he let her go.

She reached down to pull her underwear back up. Her long t-shirt fell back down to her thighs, and she wiped the tears off her cheeks with the backs of her hands.

Hopper readjusted his own clothes and didn’t say anything for a minute either, knowing that he couldn’t deny what she said. Joyce refused to even turn around to face him.

“I’m not going to just run away. I don’t know how _you_ can. This is your home, Joyce.”

“Oh, don’t you do that,” she turned back around, shaking her head at him. “Don’t you dare fucking do that!” she shouted. Her anger surprised him. They’d argued before, but never like this.

“Do what?” he muttered, though he knew exactly what she was talking about. He meant for those words to hurt her, even though she was already suffering so much.

“Blame me. How- How can you blame me?” Her voice was softer now, and she blinked back tears.

“I’m-“ He sighed, knowing what he was about to say was a blatant lie. “I’m not blaming you,” he managed to say anyway.

“Damn it, Jim. Damn it!” She turned back towards him and started hitting his chest hard with her palms until he was the one pinned up against the wall. He didn’t try to stop her, though he did manage to catch her before she sank to the floor, sobbing.

“I’m sorry,” he finally uttered. “I’m sorry.”

He couldn’t protect her anymore. He couldn’t keep her safe in her own home, not even from himself.

“I don’t want to spend our last night like this. Do you?” he choked out after a few minutes when her breathing slowed down.

“No.” Her voice was still thick with tears.

“Then what the fuck are we doing…” he sighed.

“It just- it really fucking hurts,” Joyce told him. Silent tears continued to fall, and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold together the huge hole she could feel forming in her body.

“I know,” he agreed simply, taking her back in his arms.

In the end, he knew that Joyce saw her decision as him or her kids, and he’d rightfully be on the losing end of that bargain every time.

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” he asked, his voice cutting through the silence.

“My bedroom,” she replied, as if that were obvious.

He grabbed her hands and pulled her up off the floor, taking her there. Her bed frame was gone, and her room was totally empty except for a mattress with a few blankets on the floor, next to a small pile of clothes.

He sat down next to her, but then asked, “Do you really want me to leave?”

He realized that maybe that would just be the easiest thing for the both of them.

She turned to him, her fingertips grazing his cheek.

“No,” she whispered.

She brought her lips to his, and this time, it felt completely different from their earlier kiss. It was slow and gentle, as if they had all the time in the world. Hopper’s fingers curled softly in her hair, and Joyce let out a quiet, needy moan. She started to unbutton his shirt, needing contact, needing to feel his skin on hers.  He let his hands drop from her hair for a minute to shrug the sleeves off.

Joyce took the chance to remove her own shirt over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra, which left her bare chest to press against his. His hand traveled down to the small of back, though he pulled it away immediately when he felt something. As much as he didn’t want to, he leaned over behind her to look at her skin anyway, confirming it was exactly what he thought.

Her lower back had bright red scrapes and welted skin that was already surrounded by a light purple bruise.

“Did I do that to you?” His voice was just above a whisper, knowing full well that he had. It was from when he had shoved her with too much force up against the wooden trim that ran through the middle of her living room walls.

“It’s alright,” she whispered in response, turning back towards him so that he couldn’t see the injuries anymore.

“No, it’s not. _Fuck_ , I didn’t mean to…I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The words rushed out, his voice full of regret, mostly because that hadn’t even been the truth.

He _had_ meant to hurt her, but not like that.

He had just wanted her to feel what he was feeling.

He stopped her hands as they reached for the front of his pants. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he pleaded again. If her back looked like it did, he knew that she was probably sore in other places too.

 _All because of him_.

“You won’t,” Joyce promised with the shake of her head. They were both already so weak that they had no fight left. Hopper relented, and soon they were both completely undressed. 

This time, the anticipation nearly killed her. Hopper’s large hands moved over her breasts, down her ribcage, and slowly over her petite body, as if he were trying to memorize every part of her. The heat between her legs was almost unbearable, and she ached for him to touch her. His hand hesitated, grazing her inner thighs instead. Joyce let out a whimper, bringing her hips closer to his. She took the initiative and brought her hand between them, first dragging her fingers through her own wetness, before wrapping them around his erection. He gasped and pressed his eyes shut, bringing his mouth down to hers for a sweet kiss.

His fingers finally found her, and she arched her back, pulling her hips away so they’d both have better access to each other. She angled her hips and pressed against him, but he pulled back.

“Protection,” he murmured, reaching for his discarded pants.

“Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?” she asked, lifting her eyebrows.

“Shit, right, I’m sorry,” he apologized with a sad sincerity, his blue eyes meeting her brown ones. He’d already fucked that part up earlier. Still, he pulled a condom out and put it on anyway.

Joyce didn’t hesitate now, slipping her arms back under his, pulling him close to her. She grabbed him almost immediately and guided him inside, letting out a satisfied moan.

“ _Joyce_ ,” Hopper groaned. His voice was strained and broke a little when he spoke. She shifted her hips under him and he pulled her thighs up, slowly sinking into her, over and over again.  His hand traveled between the two of them, and his thumb rubbed her slowly at first, gaining more speed as her soft breaths came faster and faster. A hot flush traveled across her chest and to her face, right before she felt herself let go, crying out with the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. Her head fell to the side, and he pulled his hand out from between them, knowing that she was probably feeling too sensitive to touch there now. He slowed his hips down, pausing for a moment to tenderly kiss her jawline.

“Don’t stop. Keep going,” she murmured after a few seconds, tightly gripping the skin on his back.

That was all the encouragement he needed. He increased his tempo again, knowing it wasn’t going to take much longer. Joyce tensed underneath him, as he hit a spot inside her that she was pretty sure she’d never felt before. She was quickly losing control again. Her breaths came in rapid pants, and she suddenly cried out with a second, unexpected orgasm that was so intense that it left her trembling for a minute afterwards.

Joyce was like no other woman he’d ever been with. Hearing her whimpers and seeing her writhe underneath him was all too much. Hopper came too, with an intense, agonizing groan.

It was such a built up, emotional release, that as Joyce crashed down from the delirious high, she had to force herself not to cry again.

That wasn’t who she was- she didn’t cry after sex, and she most definitely didn’t have multiple orgasms, especially not when Hopper hadn’t even laid a finger on her clit the second time.

But there they were anyway. Both of those things were true tonight.

Hopper laid down next to her, feeling so satisfied that he almost forgot why they were finally together in the first place. Part of him waited for her to ask him to leave, but she never did. He wrapped his arms around her, and she turned over to lay her head against his chest. He buried his hand in her hair and brushed his fingertips over her arm.

He didn’t want to let go of her. Not now, not ever.

Though reality was crashing down around them, in this moment, it was almost easy to forget it all- to forget that they had two kids to worry about, that he had a very serious job, which involved trying to keep the entire town safe from whatever this was that was spreading and killing innocent people- something that could easily take him next.

He tried to block all that out, if just for tonight.

After a long silence, he knew that he had to at least mention the thing that had been on his mind. He would regret it forever if he didn’t at least try.

“So, there’s uh, there’s this house I’ve been looking at.” Joyce didn’t respond, so he took a breath and continued. “It’s maybe 30 minutes out, just outside of Elwood. A farmhouse. It’s got 4 bedrooms… private, on a real nice property.”

_Why was he telling her this now?_

He knew it was a crazy idea. It wouldn’t make any of those previous concerns any better. There would still be danger, and they’d still have their kids to worry about, but at least they’d be together.

“Sounds beautiful, Hop,” she told him. She planted a soft kiss on his lips, with a finality that said she got it, and she wasn’t interested.

And that was it.

At some point, Joyce fell asleep, knowing that she had to, or else her and Will wouldn’t get too far the next day.

However, Hopper stayed awake the entire night. Sure, he was tired, but he couldn’t let his eyes close. He spent every minute listening to her breathing, memorizing the smell of her shampoo, and how beautiful she looked while she slept, like she was finally at peace.

He wondered when and how he let himself fall so in love with her.

That night Joyce dreamed about him- or more like about _them_. They were sitting together on a porch swing on the back deck of a two story farmhouse, watching the kids laugh while they ran around the back yard, as carefree as children could be. It felt like it could be real, but when she woke up, she was still in her empty bedroom. And though Hopper was still there holding on to her, it felt like they were already gone.

The sun eventually came up, and they reluctantly got out of bed. Joyce covered herself with a blanket, suddenly feeling strange about him seeing her without her clothes on.

Hopper helped her load up the last few boxes and her mattress into the moving truck, standing awkwardly at the front door when everything was gone.

“So, how far are you driving today?”

Though she was still exhausted and not sure they’d get that far, she told him, “We’ll probably stop somewhere in Pennsylvania.”

“You’ll, uh, you’ll call me when you get there?” Hopper turned away towards the front yard. He was holding back tears now that he realized that this was really it.

Joyce was surprised that he would ask that, but she agreed that she would anyway.

He took a deep breath. “You heading over to pick up Will now?”

“Yeah, soon. I just need to finish a few things here,” she explained softly.

He nodded and turned back towards her, finally meeting her eyes.

“Alright well, I’ll see you soon then,” he said. He had to pick up El too.

They both managed a smile because this wasn’t really goodbye. At least not yet.

Hopper climbed in the Blazer and left without a single look back in the rearview mirror.

Joyce went back inside and gave her house one last look around. She reached the front door just as she broke down again.

Hopper was right. This was her home. It was a place that was once filled with so much love and happiness. The place where she brought her children home from the hospital. The place where they took their first steps, said their first words. And it was also the place that saw her through some equally awful and terrible times too.

She took a deep breath and closed the door to her house one last time.

The ride to the Wheeler’s was short, but it was enough time for Hopper to decide that he actually couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say goodbye to her, and most certainly not here in front of everybody else.

So when he walked in the front door, he found El and told her that it was time to go. The poor kid looked rough too, like she hadn’t slept all night either.

“No,” El demanded, stepping away from him as if he were going to force her to go. “Will hasn’t left yet. And I want to see Joyce. Don’t you want to see her too?” she added softly, not knowing exactly how those words cut him.

He didn’t answer, but he knew that he wasn’t going to fight her on this. He couldn’t make her leave without giving Joyce a proper goodbye. That wasn’t fair to her, and so he put on his bravest face and dropped it.

“Oh hello, Jim,” Karen said when she heard him talking. “The kids aren’t having the easiest time with all of this as you can imagine,” she added, nodding to the quiet, depressed group of teens in the living room. “But it’ll be good for Joyce, don’t you think?” She smiled gently.

His throat felt tight, but he managed a nod. After all these years, he thought he had perfected the art of pretending to be fine. What the fuck was wrong with him now? He was going to have to see her again in a few minutes, and he would need to get it together. He waited in the living room with the kids, before he realized that he could just come back to get El later.

“El, um, I’ll just come back to pick you up later, alright?” he called to her, rushing to the front door, not even waiting for her response.

“Why are you leaving?” El asked concerned, catching his arm just as he opened the front door. When he turned to look at her, she saw the hurt in his eyes, and they had an unspoken conversation. “Okay,” she whispered, suddenly understanding.

Hopper looked out to the road and saw the white moving truck approaching the driveway; it was too late anyway. Joyce walked up to the front door, and the two of them didn’t look at each other.

“Are you ready sweetie?” she asked Will, trying to ignore her own rising panic. Will was still quite upset with her, and he didn’t respond.

Every kid hugged him for too long, each wiping their tears away as they told him goodbye. Will promised that he would call them with his new phone number the second that he knew it.

“I don’t want you go to,” El cried, approaching Joyce to hug her. El wrapped her arms around her waist and clung to the woman she looked up to as a mother.

“I know, honey. But I’ll only be a phone call away,” Joyce promised too, though everyone knew it wouldn’t be the same.

“And you’ll come back to visit?” El whimpered, pulling back only for a second to look up at her.

“Yes, of course.”

“Alright, kid. They need to get going,” Hopper told her, pulling her off.

He followed Joyce and the kids out to the driveway, keeping one arm wrapped around El.

Joyce finally approached him, but he purposely didn’t let go of El. Joyce wrapped her arms around him anyway. He hugged her back with one arm, patting her on the back a few times, the way someone would hug an acquaintance.

“Goodbye, Hop,” Joyce said softly, finally looking up at him.

 “Drive safe,” he murmured, somehow pulling a reassuring smile from somewhere.

Joyce nodded and quickly turned around just as tears dripped down her cheeks. She hurried to the driver’s side door and tried to keep it together. She didn’t want Will to see her crying.

After all, this was her fault.

Will climbed in the passenger seat, and they were off.

“Bye Will!” The kids yelled, running into the road, waving until they could no longer see the vehicle anymore.

Hopper realized now that watching Joyce drive away was more terrifying than any Demogorgon he would ever have to face.

El immediately turned into Mike’s arms and started sobbing. The boy was the only one who didn’t cry, and Hopper could tell that he was just putting on a brave face for El. Hopper felt a fleeting bit of anger and ridiculous jealousy at seeing the two kids together. If it weren’t for the two of them, maybe he could have followed her. That thought only made him feel even more selfish and disgusting than he already had, and he knew he had to let it go. Joyce was gone, and any anger towards El was entirely misdirected. He wouldn’t take this out on her. She didn’t deserve that, and besides, she had lost them too.

Hopper eventually helped El to the car, and they drove back to the cabin. They both fell asleep together on the couch, and that’s where they stayed for the rest of the day.

Will didn’t speak to Joyce at all unless she asked him a question, making it clear that he was still very upset with all of this.

None of the kids had slept the night before, and so Will dozed off somewhere in the cornfields of Ohio. The ride was long and silent, leaving Joyce with too much time to think about those two things that Hopper had said to her the night before.

The further away they traveled, the more she felt like she was making the wrong decision. Tears dripped down her cheeks for a solid 2 hours.

She _was_ running away. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that there was nothing stopping that darkness from finding them in New York. And if it did, she would have to fight it alone.

When Will woke back up, it was dark and raining heavily, so he didn’t notice the town names of all the places that they’d already passed through earlier that day. He didn’t even notice that they were somewhere familiar, until he stepped out of the car recognizing the vehicle parked beside them.

“Mom? What are we doing here?”

“Just come with me,” she told him, leading him through the woods.

Hopper woke up that night to a knock, their secret knock that they still used, mainly for El’s friends.

El stirred too and looked at him confused.

“Were one of your friends coming over?” he asked.

El shook her head no, looking a little worried, and Hopper’s face mirrored hers.

“Go in your bedroom and close the door,” he nodded.

She did as he asked, intently listening for any signs of danger.

Hopper cautiously opened the door, mostly expecting to find the boy, who probably felt like showing up unannounced. He even would have let that slide, just for tonight.

So when he saw the two of them standing in his doorway, soaking wet from the rain, he was sure that he was dreaming.

He couldn’t form two words, so he stood there, staring.

“I can’t lose you too,” Joyce whispered when he looked to her. Her voice wavered with tears. She realized on the trip that she was terrified but leaving Hawkins wouldn’t fix that. It was what Hopper had told her a few weeks ago. It just took her this long to see it.

Hopper grabbed her arms, if only to be sure that she was real, and pulled her inside. Will followed them in, stepping to the side, surprised by his mom’s sudden change of heart. He knew that his mom and Hopper had a relationship, but he was still surprised to hear the way she talked to him.

“What are you doing here? Did something happen? Are you okay?” Hopper questioned.

Joyce shook her head no. “I mean,” she sighed.  “I don’t know.”

El heard their voices and cracked her door open, looking just as confused as Hopper. Will walked over to her bedroom doorway, and spoke softly, “I don’t get it either.” 

Joyce was shaking and breathing too fast, and Hopper immediately thought of the worst. He pulled her in for a hug, a real hug, and Joyce took a deep breath to calm herself down. “I love you,” she whispered so softly that two kids couldn’t hear it from across the room. He bent down to kiss her, not caring that there were two children watching on.

“What are you saying?” he whispered when he pulled back.

“I’m saying…I want you to tell me more about that house,” she laughed looking up at him. “Is it a real place?” She smiled because she wasn’t sure if it was something he had just made up in the moment last night or not.

Hopper let out a huge sigh and laughed too. He wiped her wet cheeks with his palms. “First, we’re going to get you into some dry clothes. El, see if you can find something that might fit Joyce. You guys are pretty much the same size.” All four people in the room laughed, and it felt so good.

“Are we staying here?” Will asked, trying not to get too excited.

“I think so,” Joyce answered carefully. El ran over to hug her, not caring if she got all wet too.

“You can wear my pajamas,” El offered with a smile.

“Thanks sweetie,” Joyce agreed. She did have clothes with her, though they were another wet trip through the woods away, packed somewhere in the moving truck. “What am I going to do with all our stuff?” Joyce sighed when El ran into her bedroom. “I have to return the truck in two days,” she explained. “And I need to call Jonathan,” she added, worrying.

“Storage unit. And I’m sure Jonathan will understand. He’ll get to have the full college experience now,” Hopper joked, hoping to ease some of her tension. “We’ll get it figured out,” he promised, bringing her close to kiss the top of her head.

Joyce changed into El’s clothes, which did fit her surprisingly well. Will said he was fine in his wet clothes, but he did take one of Hopper’s shirts to put on anyway.

Joyce sat down at the small kitchen table across from Hopper, while El and Will ran to her room, begging to call Mike. Hopper told them to maybe give it overnight before calling all their friends, since it was late.

He pulled a stapled pack of papers out from under some newspapers. He had shoved it under there when they had gotten home earlier, not wanting to look at it. He slid the papers across the table to her.

“It’s a real place,” he smirked, while Joyce eyed the pictures of the house. It looked even more beautiful than she had imagined in her dream. Hopper followed her eyes to the price, and she looked up at him shaking her head.

He flipped to the next page, hoping to distract her with the black and white photographs of the kitchen and dining room.

“I could never afford it Hop,” she said sadly, looking at the house of her dreams.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said softly. He could afford it, and he had no problem spending the money. It was everything El and Joyce deserved.

Joyce gave him a look that said it would be a discussion for another day. They were both too exhausted right now.

“Do you just want to go look at it? I can call Sandra tomorrow to set something up,” Hopper offered, hopefully. Joyce stared down at the house and blinked back tears. Hopper reached across the table and squeezed her hand.

Over the past 24 hours, nothing about their situation had changed, and yet, she felt so different. The town was still in trouble. Hopper’s job was still dangerous. Their kids were still in at risk. Her other kid lived 12 hours away, and now her entire life was packed up in boxes.

Yet, when Hopper met her eyes, and promised, “We’ll figure it out, Joyce. Everything’s going to be okay,” she believed him.


End file.
